I'm fully aware as I type this that I have opened a can of worms. I'm also aware that I perhaps may NOT be the right person to ask this question or even be allowed to comment on it. But alas, here it is and there I went. So simply put dilligent reader/s,....What do women want?
We have all heard the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", and we have all heard the numerous comedians that have alluded to the female species being possibly difficult, or even confusing. Furthermore, we all know that men don't have a clue. Now I know most of you are married, and of that majority that are, you all seem happily married. Great! Fantastic! But...does he really, truly, without a doubt know you and what you want?????
We have all done the romance aspect; the flowers, and the notes, and the dinners. A given. We all have also done the acceptance aspect; the slight flaws, the ticks, the bad qualitites. A must. These are what it takes to make a relationship work. This is what's needed for true, open, honest love. But those come with the territory. That is all part of the ancient ritual of courting. Named after the way Romans would "court" or trap the women in a fenced off square, and having blindfolded themselves, fire arrows randomly. Upon hitting one, she was his for life. Ok, Ok...I'm full of it...but it WAS funny on my end.
SO, now we have the "musts" out of the way. Let's move on to the "wants". What do women want? Do they want someone who will never argue? Perhaps someone who let's themselves be molded or shaped into the perfect specimen of manliness. I have actually asked this question to some of the many women/girls I have dated and these were some of the responses. (names withheld for fear of retribution)
"I want a man who loves me for who I am. A man who does not care about my past, but only what I can offer him for the future."
"I want someone who will work hard to provide the life I never had as a child and who will give in to my every whim or desire."
"I want a guy who reminds me of my Dad."
"I want a guy who will remind me everyday why and how I fell in love with him to begin with."
Just a random few, and trust me when I say, there were more. I never said I dated rocket scientists or even MENSA candidates. After asking over 20 (yes, you read correctly) women, I have come to the conclusion that we men are clueless. In a way, they all had a quality that when thrown together with the others, would create the "perfect" man. But is that what women want? Someone perfect? Someone flawless? Someone that others would envy? I know one person who has already stated that she felt her husband was the perfect person to play the role of Edward in the upcoming movie "Twilight". I also know of one who says her husband couldn't be any better than he already is. I applaud both of them, but I'm left asking...is there anymore you could want in your partner?
Do women seek perfection, honesty, values, fortitude, strength, trust, beliefs, similar qualities, intelligence, spontaneity, humor, looks, passion, or romance? They are all fine qualities, but do they make the person you love better? Would a man who can read their mind be that much more appealing to them? Would you be happy with "perfection"? Is there anymore you could possibly want? Is there something they lack, that although it does not affect your love for them, you wish they had? Is there something they do that you promised you wouldn't fix that truly annoys/bothers you? Do you feel that many of these qualities are ingrained into a person? That they are natural qualities? If so, what would you add?
So come on, spill it. Tell me what you feel women really want. As before, there is no wrong answer, only sage advice. Enlighten me wise women of the net. Make me believe once again that there is hope, even for a phobic like me.
Age
14 years ago
4 comments:
Okay Brandon, I was kidding when I said my husband could play Edward in the Twilight series. We all know Edward doesn't really exist!
I think each woman wants something different in a guy. If we all wanted the same, we would all be after the same type of men.
For me, I don't want my husband to be a pushover and agree with everything I say and do (that would make him a wimp). Nor do I want him to disagree with me on everything. I think there has to be a happy balance there.
Sure I've thought how cool it would be if I could change everything I dislike about him or everything that irritates me, but then he would cease to be himself. Our differences are what makes him a man and me a woman.
I will tell you qualities my husband has that I don't want to change. He is generous, hardworking, funny, intelligent, a gentleman, masculine, a good father, respectful, considerate, forgiving and romantic. He challenges me to do things that are outside of my comfort zone. He makes me a better person and helps me to see a different side of things. Together we are growing toward being more perfect individuals. If I tried to change him, I would lose who he really is and I would have created another individual that is a stranger to me. I'll stick with the man I'm familiar with!
Kamie hit the nail on the head with this one. It would be WAAAAAAAYYYYY too easy for men to figure us out if we all wanted the same thing. Therein lies the challenge, and also the reward. Your dream girl is the one who is looking for all the qualities you possess, and vice versa.
I had a list of things I was looking for in my man, and Paul fell short in one area: he does not speak a foreign language. However, he had every other quality I was looking for-I won't bore you with the actual list, which I still have somewhere-and a few that I now know are absolutely essential that I hadn't considered in my young twenties. As for the language thing...I rationalized my way out of that because he composes and performs beautiful piano concertos-that's how he proposed, with a 15-minute concerto written just for me. Who could say no to that?-I considered "music" a "language" and checked it off my list...lol. I'm so OCD.
There is a book called the Languages of Love or Find Your Love Language or something like that, that can be EXTREMELY helpful to figure out the answer to what women want. We are each motivated by different things and this book quantifies those and explains how to communicate more effectively once you know what your and your significant other's "language" is. For example, if someone wants to show me they love me, I prefer having them scrub a toilet to buying me flowers-what a waste, they just die and you toss them-but cleaning something or doing something for me lightens my load and makes me love that person even more. I think the languages are: words-wanting to be told you are loved; actions-being shown you are loved; gifts-being given a token of said love, and maybe physical affection is the fourth? I don't remember. All I know is that when Paul does the dishes or sweeps the floor, it makes my day.
I have to agree with everything Kamie and DeLaina have said. For your info, the book DeLaina was referring to is entitled:
"The five Love Languages"
It is very interesting. I have to say, it made A LOT of sense and helped me understand not only Lynn better, but myself, also.
A big thing that matters to me is RESPECT.
I have seen many marriages (in my family) where one or the other spouse, sometimes both, show very little or no respect to one another. If you suposedly love this person enough to marry them, you should show them the respect you want to be treated with.
I didn't ever think I would get married because I had never seen a marriage that worked, that is with my family. If all marriage was was fighting, suspicion, and lack of respect, I wanted NO part of it.
I feel SO blessed to have Lynn as my husband. He respects me. He is such a good example to our children. If our children take anything away from our marriage to use in their own marriages I hope it would be to respect their partner and love the unconditionally.
After Lynn and I had our first child, his parents came to visit us. We were living in Washington state at the time. I had the opportunity to talk with his mom alone. I told her how much appreciated Lynn. That he was an amazing husband. I thanked her for raising him to be respectful. He is my best friend.
If my best friend were to treat me the way I see some husbands treat their wives, their "soul mates", they would no longer be my friend.
It is a good thing, that "Golden Rule", "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
I actually was just wanting someone I could beat at checkers.
Turns out my husband can totally demolish me in a checker game while he's watching TV, reading a book, and eating at the same time. And I'm concentrating hard on the game.
Well, there's always the "he loves me, even though he knows what I look like in the morning" part, too.
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