Are You (Pin)terested??

So recently on the advice/request of another, I joined Pinterest. I have yet to actually post anything or "pin" anything to my board, but I already have many followers. Thank you followers. Wow! followers. Who woulda thunk it? Am I that fascinating or are there that many bored people out there? Let's examine this.

A little about me.

I hate stupidity. If you have read my blogs in the past, this fact remains the same. No change. Adamant on this. I work part time for a local gas station. Something to do I suppose. In all aspects I enjoy it. I meet the dumbest people everyday. We are a tiny station, with the capacity of maybe 10 people at once. Yes, one of those. It never ceases to amaze me people who come in, walk four times around the center "island", approach the register and ask " Do you have an ATM machine"? I feel like responding with " In your four trips around, you passed the coffee machine, the soda machine, the door to Narnia, and the racks of cholesterol goodness, but did you once see an ATM machine"? Stating the obvious I'm afraid would either offend them or scare them away. Perhaps both. I inwardly roll my eyes and calmly respond " DO YOU SEE ONE? DOES IT LOOK LIKE WE COULD FIT ONE IN HERE? DID YOU ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE OPENING MOUTH?" Okay, not really, but wouldn't that be fun?

I am not married. I have never been married. If you have read past postings here, this is self explanatory.

I am still, and by all standards, the funniest person I know.

I love music. All kinds for the most part. Now Jr. High School bands struggling through the 1812 overture (and making some of us desire and pray for cannon fire) is NOT music to me, UNLESS..being taught by the extremely talented and lauded Laurie Stout Letz. When you're good enough to get your kids on the morning news, you have achieved success and fame. She is amazing and I have in my life met many students from Eisenhower Jr. High who gush, yes gush, when being asked if they in fact knew the acclaimed Mrs. Letz. Way to go Auntie Laurie. I come from a very musical family, but that gene passed me by but still left me with a deep appreciation. I am actually listening to Anne Hathaway's heart rending version of " I Dreamed a Dream" as I write this. A special nod to my old man Steve Stout for helping me attain my appreciation for music. From Listening to him play Tchaikovsky in the 23rd Army Guard band, to hearing him play Beethoven or Bach on the piano at home. I learned who Spyro Gyra, Blood, Sweat and Tears, Jim Croce, Toto, Chicago,  and of course, Elvis were by his taste in music.  A very talented man. 

I am so freakin funny, I make people eject things from their noses.

I can talk for hours and hours. Far too much I'm sure. 

I am smart. I am well read ( not just my blogs by you poor bored souls), but have read more than 30 books in my life. I know right?? Amazing. I mean after all, I know who is buried in Grant's tomb. 

I enjoy other peoples children. Mostly. Some I want to strangle. I like seeing the cute baby pictures. And it is true, not all babies are cute. Some make me want to shout " WHAT THE HELL IS THAT"? But not all, They are so tiny it fascinates me how they will someday grow up and ask if there is an ATM machine. 

I am so funny, people are always telling me " You're funny"

I enjoy writing, and more, enjoy the comments left behind. I hope you enjoy reading these.

I learn something everyday. I may not realize it until later. Oft times, much later. But my light bulb still lights on occasion. I love learning new things. It keeps me sharp, attuned to my surroundings, and funny. 

I love humor of all kinds. I enjoy movies that push the envelope. If you can make me laugh out loud, kudos. I have always been a fan of comedy, dating back to our family camping trips listening to Bill Cosby on cassette     tapes. I still know those word for word. I tip a nod to Eddie Murphy, Bill Cosby, Mel Brooks ( it worked in Blazing Saddles), and many others for filling my formative years with laughter. For taking me away from life for brief moments of time. Without them, I might have been an honor student, and far less disruptive than I was in school. 

Ok, so there it is. Me in a nutshell. Not in a nuthouse. If you smiled at any of this, my job is done. If you rolled your eyes, let me know, so I can pat myself on the back. 

Thank you once again constant readers. Without you, I'm only writing to myself. And that's just weird. 

Brandon

Being sick sucks!

Last October, I had the honor of an extended stay in the hospital. No, it wasn't for mental dementia, although I'm sure there are some out there who feel I need that stay as well. It was for Diverticulitis. What is Diverticulitis? Well, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt it is NOT something divers get from tickling otters. I am sure of this. Mostly. Definitely. It is in fact inflammation and swelling of the colon and surrounding areas resulting in a shut down of the inner workings. Sounds painful huh? It is. 

At first I thought ( because for those of you who may not know, I am medically trained ...cue the eye rolls), I had kidney stones. That's the area that hurt, and it seemed most likely. It got worse. Rest is not always best when averaging a fever of 102 and breaking out in skin rashes and hives. When you fall asleep in a bath tub, the water has turned cold ( I swear I saw an iceberg float by) and it is the best sleep you have had in days, it is time to seek professional help. 

So seek I did, with the help of my chauffeur Mom. After a trip to InstaCare, and being told " WOW, you're really sick, you should go to the E.R.", that's where we went. It turned out I had Diverticulitis. A disease if you will that strikes 4 million people each year. Last October however, I am beyond positive I got enough for at least half that number of people all at once. Definitely. Maybe. 

I was immediately ( after a 6 hour wait in the E.R.) whisked away to my own private room. At this time Capt. Morphine and I were buds. I haven't smiled that much since reading my own blogs ( like how I snuck that in there?) . I was promptly starved to within an inch of my life. In order to, as the doctor put it, "restart my system", I was given nothing but ice chips and broth for 4 days. People in Cuban jails eat better. The staff was great, and dutifully put up with my constant nagging/requests for streak and cheese sandwiches with the works from East Coast Subs. I even offered to buy ( it was the morphine talking). Alas, they continued with the torture that was bland broth and lukewarm ice chips. They even instructed me to get out and walk around, asking me to visit other floors knowing full well there were trays of sandwiches, cheetos, fruit, pasta in some sort of sauce ( when you're hungry, it doesn't matter), and other delectable treats and goodies. I told the nurses honestly if I had pockets in my hospital gown, I would be stealing food. She just laughed. People never take you seriously when you're sick. 

I was released 14 months ( it seemed that long o.k.?) later and told " Don't jump start your system by eating anything that is good for you, has taste, calories, actual substance, or isn't broth or lukewarm ice chips". O.k., not really, but I was told not to eat anything fatty, spicy, fried, or not bland. So my first description was spot on, thank you. I recovered for a few days at the parents house, as I was positive the papparrazzi was seeking me out for an interview. No, the morphine was not still talking. It was a relaxing time, and I was just happy to be out. After all, the last 6 days my excitement consisted of watching LifeFlight take off and land. My bed was right out on the tarmac you see. D'Oh! No, I was on the tenth floor of the Intermountain Medical Center and Torture Clinic in Murray. 

To those reading, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It was an expensive and painful reminder at how awesome food is. I have a new found love of it. I lost 10 lbs. in the torture clinic, but promptly gained it back once my system was restarted. I also came out with a new found respect for those who go without. If by some odd chance my writing ever makes me rich and famous, not likely, but if, I would love to help out in some way. It seems the right thing to do. 

To all those reading, thank you. To the nursing staff at IMC, you guys ROCK !!!. Nothing but good wishes and good health to you all.

P.S., I could not have made it through this ordeal without the wonderful support of friends and My dear Rose. Love you sweetie ! Her daily phone calls kept me goin.  Brandon

Hello (Again)

It has been some time since I sat down to the typed word and told you about Life, from my perspective, but Life nonetheless. Things aren't that much different for me. My hair is longer, the beard continues to gray, and I'm still reasonably happy, I actually just responded to a job posting on Craigslist of someone searching for a blogger for their upstarting business.

Yes, that has changed. After 12 years and several disappointments later, I no longer work for the "steel mill". I enjoyed the job, and some ( not all by any means) of the people were enjoyable as well. BUT..after 5 years and no raise, and after many times of being lied to about insulating the building against the sub zero conditions and other things, I felt it best to go my own way. I stayed long enough to finish the Granger High School remodel, and for that I am proud. I was part of something that will be the future of my niece and nephew.

So anyway, back to my opening topic. How cool would that be? Seeing me blog professionally, or somewhat professionally depending on the circumstances. I would absolutely love it. I have missed filling everyone in on the mundane goings on of my average ordinary life. Sigh. I know no one has missed checking in each week to see that nothing has changed with me, or to see what current 'bug is up my butt'. Excuse the mental image if you will. But yes, in all honesty, I have missed writing. Why did I stop? I don't rightly know. perhaps I thought I was in fact being a pest, or even worse...BORING! :O.

I know, I know, I could never be boring. I am far too funny for that right? Bless you all for thinking so. Your checks are in the mail. Maybe I should switch to paypal. Would make things easier.

I guess what made me start writing again was reading some emails I had written a few years back to a very special cowboy girl by the name of Annie Oatmeal, and it hit me...I miss writing. I miss being able to send my thoughts to you via the blog web. I miss telling you what I think. I miss making people laugh. So if you read this, thank you. If it made you smile, thank you again. If you think I have a chance at writing professionally, please tell me. It never hurts to have ones ego stroked :D

As always, thank you constant reader ( that is, by the way, a line I lifted from Stephen King). Your thoughts are appreciated, and always wonderful to read. May happiness find you sitting on your deck in a comfortable chair with your favorite drink/book in your hand. Both if it suits you.


Brandon