Singleness

O.K., when I joined Facebook, I listed myself as single. Little did I know what I would be getting into. Since then, my email inbox has become inundated with offers to join singles sites. Even on facebook, there are offers that run 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Now I may not be the only one who receives these little offers, and if I am in fact not the only one, than I sympathize. They don't bother me, I actually find them amusing if anything. What amuses me the most is the strikingly beautiful girl who appears in the ad stating that she too is single. Yeah! Right! I understand that it's a money ploy. Preying on the weak minded. Offering salvation from the lonely nights of microwavable mac & cheese and Will & Grace re-runs. What ever flips your skirt up I say. But thanks to those ads on facebook, I now know I am NOT the only professional, over 30, Christian, Jewish, single Muslim in my area. WHEW! That is always a good thing to know. Useful information right there.

That basically led me to this entry. I thought since I have no desire to meet someone through a singles network who not only lies about their occupation but standard appearance, I would post my singles page here. Where noone can see it and all can view it. Where there is no hope for acceptance or chance of rejection. I would post the picture of my face on Brad Pitts body, but I lost it...my apologies. Now mind you, rejection is part of the game...and I have been told I'm a playa. So....GAME ON !!!!!!

Single, 36 year old male. I am a professional steel fabricator and amateur comedian. I enjoy long walks in the cool night air ( moonlight optional ), trivia, reading, poetry, crossword puzzles in bed, crime scene t.v., cooking, outdoor activities ( summertime preferably ), and beautiful women. I am an adamant reader, and consider myself well read and intelligent. I can form complete sentences without using the word "like", and do not discuss politics. I have been told I have the heart of a child ( it's in a jar on my desk). I enjoy many forms of music, and always appreciate a good version of Amazing Grace on the bagpipes. Ave Maria is one of my most favorite songs, and lately have enjoyed the version performed by Il Divo. I enjoy opera and have seen Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, Madame Butterfly, and Don Giovanni several times each. Movies and movie trivia is a passion of mine, and I prefer sitting on the couch versus fighting a crowd. I smoke and partake of the occasional "spirit". I am DDF (NO! not a Divorced Dad of Five...Drug/Disease Free ). I am adventurous, outgoing, slightly over-weight, funny, witty, charming, quiet, talkative, artistic, and curious. I am full of useless information, and like taking the "Asimov" quiz in the paper everyday. I can multi-task, but I cannot juggle efficiently. I am an honest to goodness, tried and true smartass. I am a snoring, bed hog....it IS my bed.

I seek a beautiful, passionate, sensitive, outgoing, adventurous, spontaneous, caring woman to share those talked about walks. I look for someone I can trust and share with. Someone who has a smile to rival the stars in the night sky. When she walks into a room, I want to be able to forget my own name. The envy of every woman, and the desire of every man. A face I look forward to seeing every morning. Lips I long to kiss every passing minute. She must be able to hold her own end in an arguement, and learn that the past belongs in the past. She must know that absolutely no good can come from living in the past. Strong, passionate, desirable, and mind numbingly beautiful are wonderful traits to possess. She should be over 5'6'' as I am 5'15''. She must fit perfectly in my arms, and understand there is a time and a place for PDA (public displays of affection ). A good sense of humor is a bonus, understanding mine a plus. Drug/Disease Free an absolute must! Knowing every word to every song in Grease appreciated. Willingness to experience new things even if not fully interested always a great thing. The ability to see into my soul not necessary, but proceed with caution. She must be strong yet in need of support. Employment is desired. A down to earth, grounded dreamer sought. Acceptance of all my friends no matter how odd they may be a must. I seek one who sees the world through child-like eyes, and admires the simple beauty life can offer. Someone who will break out in song or dance even if they can't sing or dance. Tattoos, piercings and children all ok...as long as kept to a minimal degree.

Well, there you have it. My expectations are high, I know. But I don't feel I should settle. I know I'm no prize, but I know what I want. I guess the reason I don't post this on the internet dating sites is mainly because I don't need them. I still date occasionally. I went on a date this last weekend. It was horrible, a disaster. I now know everything about my dates ex-boyfriend. More than I feel I wanted or needed to know. It's dates like those that make me feel like I am wasting my time and effort. I know all the pick-up lines ( most would make you blush), and I've never been accused of being "shy" or "introverted". I'm not as young as I was yesterday, and I'm not afraid to be alone. But there are some things in life that are far more enjoyable with someone on your arm.

So...now that I know I'm not alone ( the internet told me so...and it never lies ), the search continues. I know that many of my friends wish I would settle down...get married and re-produce. I know my mother wishes I would. One step at a time for now. So anyway...there is my singles site dating application. Not worth $30 a month to post is it???

As always, thank you for reading. Feel free to comment, shake your head or roll your eyes. Ave Maria just came on...I think I'll relax and close my eyes and listen. Goodnight folks


Brandon