Love is a four letter word...and as four letter words go, not one of my most favorites. Yes, you read correctly. I'm a commitment phobic who hasn't used that word in a long while. So my question today is to those of you who use it daily ( my deepest sympathies). What is love? How do you know or how did you know that who you're with now was the "right one"?
I have heard of love at first sight. It has never happened with me ( I usually have to walk by twice). I have heard love is eternal...hmmm, so is Death. I have even heard love is a many wonderful thing. Yeah, chicken wings, beer and a game on Sunday feel the same to me. So what I truly want to know is this...what made you fall madly, passionately, hopelessly in love with the one you share your thoughts, laughter, tears and dreams with?
Webster's defines love as: A strong tender affection; deep devotion. Ok. Cool. I have seen all your profile pages, and I have seen the smiling happy pictures of all of you with your loved ones. I am truly happy for you all. How did the person in your life make you fall for them? Was it never-ending, relentless hounding until you agreed to date them? Did they use chloroform? Was it the words they spoke, or the manner in which they carried themselves? Upon first meeting them, did you say to yourself " now them are some child-bearing hips"? Were you swept off your feet?
More importantly, do you still see the same qualities in them now? Does their smile still light up your darkest day? Does their touch still make you shiver? Does their voice in your ear still make you smile? Does your heart ache when you are away from them? Do you see any of the qualities you fell in love with being passed to your children?
Has the one you love ever told you "thank you for loving me"? Have they ever dedicated a song on the radio to you? Do they look at you across a crowded room and still act shy? Is it still considered romantic to open the door or pull out a chair? After being married or even together for many years, will the "spark" still be there?
I know this is a VERY personal blog, and i understand if noone responds. In turn however, I will reveal personal information. I have done all of the above. The little notes, the flowers, the gifts "just cuz", the everything. I can honestly say I am a hopeless romantic. I don't have anyone in my life now and I'm ok with that. I'm happy...all that matters.
When you found the one you are with now, what were you looking for? Did they pass the full inspection or did you settle on a few flaws that you knew you could change? I have always had a list...a mental checklist if you will of what I would find ideal in a woman. 1) Does she name her stuffed animals? 2) Does she find abnormality cute or annoying? 3) Is she genuinely interested in me? 4) How political/religious is she? 5) Could I see myself with this person five or even ten years from now? 6) Is she smarter than a doorknob (stop rolling your eyes, you know what I mean)?
So anyway, that is the blog...sorry so long winded. I actually went back and re-wrote it several times before being satisfied. I do hope that noone takes anything I say as personal. I have an arena to vent, so vent I must. I look forward to any comments positive or negative that you may have. I take nothing personal and I am impossible to offend.
Till next time, Brandon
Age
14 years ago
8 comments:
Great questions! When I met Darin I just had a feeling that he was the one. Not right away of course, but as time went on and I got to really know him, I knew that I wanted to spend forever with this man. I too had a "list" of qualities I wanted in a future partner. Darin met most of those requirements. The ones he didn't, I was willing to overlook. (I still have that list saved in a box somewhere. Last time I looked at it I realized I had things on there that don't really matter. For example: Nice biceps were one of my "requirements". Luckily, Darin did happen to have those :) My list would be very different as I have matured but Darin would still pass the test).
Being in love with someone is a journey you take together. We've had a lot of ups and downs but beneath it all there has been a mutual respect and understanding for one another. Darin is the only person that knows every single thing about me. He has been through really great moments with me and really awful ones too. He is the one I share everything with. I still miss him when we're apart. We take a lot of vacations, just the two of us, to keep the romance going strong. We still "court" each other after 16 years of marriage and I am still very much in love with him.
Brandon, I really do hope that someday you find the person that makes you feel this way. I know you're happy on your own but having a partner in life is so much more fulfilling. Just continue to be yourself. You want someone that loves you because you're Brandon!
Wow! after what Kamie wrote I don't know that I can add anything to it! She totally covered it all! Lynn is the only one I dated that was so incredibly...Wonderful! I know that sounds silly. He is just so kind, respectful, thoughtful...you know all that "lovey stuff". He has never wanted to change me. He loves ME! When we are apart, I can't wait to see him again. We have been married for 13 years, we have known each other for 16 years. Infact, you will smile at this: We met at Pondorosa. He was a cook, I was a waitress. I was going through beauty school at the time. It was at the 3500 S. location. I was kinda "waiting" for a missionary at the time. Lynn was so sweet. He always had a smile on. Whenever ANYONE needed help, he was right there. He was so SHY! I LOVED to flirt with him just to see him turn red! We started dating and I knew he was the one who would make me happy. Serving our missions really helped both of us. We both matured and changed for the better. I honestly feel that serving a mission is a wonderful thing to help you learn to live with someone else. You are with that other person 24/7. Someone you didn't Choose. When you get married, this is the person you Chose. It makes a difference. I know that not everyone has that opportunity, but I am greatful that we did. I know I am rambling. I just feel so blessed to have someone to share my life with that is simply, my best friend. I too, had a "List". Doesn't everyone? The only thing Lynn didn't meet was he doesn't sing. Big whoop! He is amazing in everyother way.
I also agree with Kamie, in that I hope you do find someone who loves YOU. You are a GREAT guy! But, life is so much more fulfilling when you have someone to share it with. I can't imagine it not happening for you. You are one of the "good guys". Just keep beingg YOU!!!
Those are both absolutely wonderful posts ladies. Thank you for both your candidness nd your willingness to discuss a topic such as that. Lisa, that is funny you met Lynn at Ponderosa, and funnier still that I managed that exact store for two years ( I managed just about every Ponderosa in Utah from Ogden to Orem during my 10 years with them). I am happy for you both and I thank you for your well wishes on my behalf. I'm not an easy person to know and I'm harder to love. I look forward to celebrating both of your Golden anniversaries.
Well, that was fun to read. All of it. The questions, the responses, the responses to the responses. It is interesting that you are asking these questions today. I am a fairly logical person. I was pondering my relationship with my husband today (we just celebrated our 7 year anniversary last week) and was wondering what my life would be like if I had married one of the "others" I had dated. I have great memories of those "others" - even respect and admire them still. I was in love at the time and if we were to marry, and both working on it, we would probably still be in love. Even with all of that, I thought, I am so glad that I am married to Jason (my husband). Not just because I love him (I truly believe that if 2 people who have similar values and who are willing to work at their relationship will love each other) but because he completes me. Not in some "I am not an individual without him" way, but in the sense that he grounds me and helps me to be a better person. He is nice when I am mean. He is calm when I am enraged. He is ying when I am yang - you get it right? This is not always the case of course. We both can be enraged, mean, yang at the same time. However, it seems when it is most important, when I am emotional, or when I don't have the ability to see beyond myself, he is there to help me be the person I want to be. Sure I could do this on my own. I did for 30 years. But it is nice to have someone who loves you for who you are and also loves you enough to help you be who you want to be. I echo Kamie and Lisa. When your commitment phobias relax, you will find "the one." Until then, have fun hunting!
As you already know my story... I met Shannon the same day my cousin did. And when I first saw her, I knew I was going to marry her! I can't explain it, but it was kinda like on the movies were all of the other people in the room just disappeared when your eyes meet, or together dancing a slow dance! I wanted to ask her out (and should have at that time) but my cousin beat me to it. Next thing I knew, they were engaged. That did not stop me from seeing her though. I would plan double dates with them just so I could see her, and flirt with her!
A while later they broke off their engagement, and about 4 weeks later I moved in for the kill!! I had her mother put roses on her bed one night while she was on a date with someone else. After that, we started dating exclusively for about 2 weeks, and then I asked here to marry me! She obviously said yes (How could she resist?), and 6 months later we tied the eternal knot! Now it has been 15 years and 4 beautiful kids later, and we still act like "lovey, dovey" newlyweds sometimes. And our kids pretend to throw up!
Now my brother, the interesting thing is, Shannon could not stand my cousin because he would not get mad at her, would not disagree, would not give his opinion... It drove her crazy!
The person that I wanted, and I think everyone should want, is a partner that will agree on some things and disagree on others... one that is not afraid to tell you the truth and argue, but not afraid to tell you "I love you!" and "I support your decission"... one that wants each other to spend time with a best friend, without the other being jealous, but will be excited to have them back home in their arms... one that knows she/he is marrying the family issues, the friend issues, and the job issues, not just you the individual... and most of all, one that likes you, loves you, and supports you for who you are; who does not want, and will not try to change you!
You see,As you know I married someone like that! I could not ask, nor would I find a better wife, then the one I chose! Shannon is the only one I dated (and you and I dated a lot of girls!), that accepted you (my best friend growing up) for who you are!
I know you feel Shannon is a sister to you...and I could not be happier about that. You are always on my mind, and I always hope and pray that my brother Brandon will find and choose his Shannon!
Wow, bro. I didn't know you could be so poetic. And you're right, Shannon did accept me for who I am ( and she regrets that day since, I'm sure). You're also right about the fact you hit the jackpot. Other than the fact she is a *cough cough* 49'ers fan..she is a WONDERFUL person and the best thing (next to me..but definitely more-so) to happen to you. I honestly couldn't see you with anyone else. Not even those that you pulled the "out of gas" trick on. HAHAHAHAHA...sorry, I had to. I consider your family part of mine and have enjoyed watching your little ones grow up. My heart overfills when I get hugs from any of them, including the shy angry one.lol. I see the two of you fighting, loving, praying, kissing (insert vomit here), hugging and laughing your way into old age.
Veigh,
That was beautiful!
Veigh---wow! Shannon! Wow! Next time we get together I'd like to see a re-enactment of the whole scene, or at least hear the "he said/she said" version!
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