The Ex

I haven't posted in a while, and I don't know if I should apologize or be happy for you. I guess lately I have had alot on my mind. Back in December of last year I began dating a girl I found to be both interesting and absolutely beautiful. She works at one of my steel supply companies, and I had dealt with her daily on the phone for several months. She was at that time going through a nasty divorce to a man who had after 17 years of marriage decided that the 19 year old he met through a friend was more exciting than she was.

Anyway, we dated for several months and it had progressed to the point of her spending many nights a week at my place when she didn't have her kids. Now normally this type of behaviour (the nesting type) scares the hell out of me. As you all know by now, I have a commitment phobia. I have been hurt/screwed over/played far too often to be openly trusting. Stop going "awww"...it happens. I cannot honestly in good conscience say I haven't been the one playing the games at one or more points in my life, but she was different. The first time I saw her (knowing only her voice to this point) I was speechless. Tall, beautiful, crystal blue eyes, a smile that could stop traffic, and a body that wouldn't quit.

As it turned out, we had much in common, and we enjoyed each other's company. She spoke Spanish (limited, and not always "fluently"), she was a fantastic cook, she tried to play a mean game of pool, and she was very into 80's music. After the first date we realized that in high school we both frequented the same dance club every friday night ( The Ritz ). So in fact, we knew each other 20 years ago, and I clearly remember her hating me then. Anyway, we got along perfectly. Almost too perfectly...you know...when you get along so well you get the feeling something is wrong. That was us.

I never got to meet her boys (she had three of them), but I did get to meet her sister. We got along famously. I even introduced her sister to a single friend of mine. We spent every minute we could together. I even introduced her to my parents...I never do that...EVER!! A stupid mistake I won't soon make again. I bought her gifts for no reason, I let her beat me at chess, I drew her a picture she wanted ( again, something I never do). It seemed like it was "the one".

I am not what you would expect when it comes to relationships. Most if not all of my exes have been pleasantly surprised. I may be emotionally crippled, but in the romance department I could write a book. I would get to work at least an hour before she would each day, and I would call and leave a voice message on her phone everyday. It would be anything from the sappy sugary sweet to the off-the-wall goofy. Whenever she awoke at my place, there was always a hot cup of coffee with a note ( if you have read my blog posted "dear", you know what one of the notes actually read). When she got "home" after work, her favorite singer (Alicia Keys) was on the stereo and a drink was waiting for her. I treated her as she wished her husband would have when she was married. Her marriage was one of convenience, as she got pregnant early and felt it was the best/only way.

In March of this year, she sent me an email letting me know she had fallen for me. I apologized. She then went on to say that she thought she could never again trust a man to not hurt her. That she thought sex was all men wanted. She went as far as to say she loved me. Now after almost five months together, it seemd natural. However, those three words are poison. Whenever anyone has uttered those words...the crap usually hits the proverbial fan. In this case, it seemed to go over rather well. Now mind you, I did not return the sentiment right away. I'm emotionally crippled remember. Plus the fact I don't just throw those words around. It took a few weeks of hearing her say it and seeing her attempt to prove it before I gave in.

The last weekend in March, we had planned to go away together. Her husband had the boys for Easter, so she would be alone that weekend. She called me late that Friday night, two hours after I had expected her to tell me she wasn't feeling well. I said ok...get yourself better and we will talk tomorrow. The next morning I got a text message from her sister asking if "you two are having a good weekend together"? I text her back telling her we weren't together because her sister was sick. The response I got was not what I thought I would. She told me "Oh, well that's weird cuz she didn't come home last night".

Well as it turns out she had been dating someone who worked with for a few weeks up to this point, and rather than telling me she just stopped calling and returning my texts. The damndest thing is I still have to talk to her at least once a week when I order steel. She still acts like nothing happened. She asks me all the time how I am doing. She calls me "sweety" all the time after repeated requests that she didn't. Today she got re-married to the man she cheated on me with. I found out through someone she worked with when I called yesterday to order some stuff and was told she wasn't in.

I don't know why I shared this, and I certainly don't know what I expect to gain from posting it. I guess maybe I feel it therapeutic to address it so. Either way, I still get bummed every now and then when I think about what we had. I have been asked out since then, but have found convenient excuses to not go. It's not that I'm not ready, and it's not that I can't handle it, I am just not interested anymore. I know , I know, there are plenty more fish in the sea...don't worry about me. I haven't changed in the humor department, and I haven't given up entirely.

Thanks for allowing me to vent. Thank you for your diligence. I hope you enjoy the new editions to the blog page. My next blog won't be so maudlin I promise. Be good to one another and remember to be kind and rewind.

P.S. 27 years ago today, 8-16, Elvis Presley died at Bethesda Memorial Hospital in Memphis.