LOVE ! HUH..WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR ?

Tomorrow is Singles Awareness Day, S.A.D. for short. In my recent opinion, that is my outlook on love as well. It just isn't worth the emotional or mental trauma anymore. I know some of you cynics out there are shaking your heads and saying to yourselves, " Awww, sure it is". To each their own.

It has been over a year since I have visited this page and re-read the things left here for others to see. It has been some time since I have felt the need to express myself through words and thought. The time has come again to pick up the mighty pen, or in this case of technological advancement, the keyboard and write once again. I have kept myself busy this past year plus. I became a DJ for an online social lounge. Something I found to my astonishment I was very good at. I also found someone who I was crazy about. Im talking the hands sweating, butterflies in my stomach, goofy look on my face, stars in my eyes crazy about. It turns out that it wasnt meant to be.

She was and still is a wonderful, amazing person. I just could not make her happy enough to see I was the one for her. Egotistical for sure, but in my humble opinion the truth. She just wasnt willing enough to let herself fall in LOVE (ick) and let herself be happy.

Now those of you who have read my past blogs may wonder what happened to Jackie. Well, that also did not work out. Its amazing what money can do. She had it, I didnt, and it snowballed from there. Now dont get me wrong, I like having money, but I couldnt compete. I am nobody's boy toy.

This latest endeavor into the field of Cupid was also a long distance one. We met online, quite by accident really, and things seemed to have blossomed. Only one wrinkle, she was with someone when I met her. She remained with that person over the course of our cyber dating even though she was mistreated and publicly humiliated on many occasions. I tried to make her see the error of her ways, but to no avail. Maybe I just didnt try hard enough.

I wont mention her name so she may keep her anonymity, which oddly enough was what I turned out to be. One great big secret. Anyone who had spoken to me in the last year learned with pride all about her through me. Those that knew her, had no idea I existed. I know she didnt want word of her having a part time man on the side to get out, but wow. She would say she was crazy about me, and then push me away. We used to talk on the phone nightly, that stopped suddenly and without warning. I had invited her to come out here and spend some time, only to be rebuffed and told some reason she could not. None of the reasons were good ones either. I used to tease her about her reasons to gauge her reactions, and they would be just as i feared.

This isnt a blog to trash her or make her sound horrible. Not at all. She was a wonderful, amazing, beautiful, strong, intelligent woman. I really saw so much in her. My dreams were flooded with her. My every waking thought was of her. She penetrated the cloudiest of days with her smile. She was my equal, my match, my one soul mate. We shared so many things in common.

People do what they must to survive. Mine was to walk away. I hate myself for doing it, and I regret my decision right now. But I felt I deserved better treatment, and I dont want to be a dirty little secret anymore. It all could have been avoided sadly enough. With a word, or a promise, I would have believed her, and trusted her to do the right thing. I know...do the right thing. Here she is "with" someone else and Im asking her to dump him and pick me. Like a damn kids game of kickball. PICK ME !!! HA ! But seriously, I saw from the start he was horrible to her. He didnt even remember her birthday this year. not the kind of man she deserves.

So anyway, here we are once again constant readers ( assuming there are any out there bored enough to still hang on my every word). I have decided to re-build my emotional wall. Brick by dirty dusty brick. I must be doing something wrong, or maybe I am not doing enough. It could be I am far too much of a hopeless romantic. I just dont know, and at this point Im not sure I care anymore. I have my anger issues, my rants about stupidity and my thoughts to keep me company. Maybe its for the best and I should spend my years alone.

Thank you as always for reading. Your comments are always welcome, and always read. Wishing you all the best of everything and a wonderful V-Day to those of you lucky enough ( if you consider yourself lucky) to have someone to spend it with. Those of my single friends reading this..let us form a community. We shall call it Singletopia and we will run it together. Cupid will not be allowed and should be shot on site. Hallmark will be banned by law, and those little candy shaped hearts will say things that are true, like " whatevah" " love stinks" and my personal favorite " dumbass". Let us rise against the commercial holiday and unite.

Happiness, friendship and sunshine be with you all. Thanks always for who you are and what you mean to me.

Brandon the town idiot of Singletopia