Holy $*&% !

Yes, I know the title of this blog is a little off putting, but bear with me folks. This blog also falls into the Halloween theme. In this one, I want to know what scares you the most. Now everyone has their fears. If anyone tells you " I ain't a skeered of anything", they are lying. Everyone has a fear. Inate or not. For some it's spiders, for others clowns. Yes, clowns. I have a cousin who is frigthened of clowns. Sad, happy, evil...doesn't matter. I made the mistake once of wearing my Motley Crue Carnival of Sins t-shirt around her...I wasn't aware she hated clowns till that day. She avoided me like the plague.

Now I'm not looking for you to admit your fears so we can all have a good laugh. I wouldn't do that. I have fears of my own. For instance, I am deathly afraid of sharks. I have the utmost respect for a killing machine that has survived millions of years of evolution, and I have no desire whatsoever of swimming with one or even being close enough to touch one. Oh I went into the ocean when I was in Hawaii...far enough to jump out again if anything brushed past my leg that wasn't to my liking. I don't really care for spiders either. Nothing says good morning worse than waking to a hairy wolf spider on your ceiling as a teenager. Now THAT got me out of bed and actually looking forward to school. The movie Arachnophobia still creeps me out to this day. I know there are others out there that share my sentiment to these eight legged demons.

Now that I have sufficietly freaked myself out, I would be highly interested in what freaks you out. For some it is the fear of death. For others nothing more complicating than the fear of public speaking. Whatever it may be, fear has the power to render you motionless. The power to dry your tongue, palpitate your heart and make you sweat. There are literally hundreds of fears out there. Some we may find silly or ridiculous, but fears none the less. For example, Ablutophobia is the fear of bathing or washing. Alliumphobia is the fear of garlic (I suppose most Vampires would have this fear). Bibliophobia is the fear of books. Cacophobia is the fear of ugliness. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the picture. There are fears out there for everything...and I mean everything. From books to razors, toads to snakes. Fear of the number 13 to the fear of beautiful women. So what is your fear? Psychologists believe that admitting our fears help us in realising them and facing them more openly and evenly. Whatever helps you sleep at night, right?

I have included at the bottom of this blog a webpage. It is the "official" list of fears. It is alphabetized for those with the fear of disorder. It is a very interesting list and you may surprise yourself with what you find on it. Take a look, relax, and let us know what haunts your dreams. What is it that freezes you in your steps? I have avoided my blog posters responsibilities as of late, I have been lurking in the shadows reading your blogs but sending none of my own. I hope for this to change. I appreciate your kindness, and your willingness to read. I also love your comments and concerns. Please keep on keeping on, and I shall in turn keep on writing things for you to read.

http://www.phobialist.com/

Until next time...I think I saw a spider in the shower...

BOOOO !!!!!!

I found myself wondering at work the other day about Halloween. The why's and hows, the who's and what's. We all know Halloween as the holiday from our youth which we anxiously looked forward to almost, if not as long as, Christmas. For months beforehand, we would let EVERYone know what we were going to be, and how much candy we wanted to net. To a child, Halloween is the second most important holiday there is. Even more so than their own Birthday, but never as important than the day the jolly fat man visits.

Halloween is known throughout the world in hundreds of countires differently. In Latin American countries it is known as Noche de las Brujas (Night of the Witches). In others, it is still known as a Pagan holiday called All Hallows Eve, or even All Saints' Eve. In the early 19th century, a form of Samhain (Gaelic for Halloween) was brought to the North American Continent by Irish immigrants. Samhain was a festival marking the end of the summer and the end of the harvest. The term "Halloween" was in fact a shortened version of All Hallows Even. No matter the spelling or the actual name, Halloween has always been a celebration signifying the harvest and religious festivals. I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think people went door to door begging for candy in the early 19th century.

There are even traditions to have survived the years. The tradition of carving a pumpkin, or Jack-O-Lantern dates back to early Celtic legends. In the early days, a turnip or rutabaga was used instead of the pumpkin, but the meaning was always the same. Believing that the head was the most powerful part of the body containing the spirit and the knowledge, the Celts used the "head" of the vegetable to frighten off any superstitions. Today, we try each year to out do ourselves in carving the scariest, funniest, or cutest Jack-O-Lantern we can.

The symbolsim of Halloween is not in fact a legend, tale or even a tradition to have survived the years. Witches, Mummies, Ghosts, Ghouls, Devils and Monsters is all Hollywood. They do make for some cute and often gory costumes, but that is the extent of it.

Now that I have lectured you on the how's and why's. I'm looking for the what's and where's. I would like you constant reader to tell me why you enjoy Halloween so much. Do you feel you're still a kid at heart? Do you enjoy scaring the neighbor children to the point of cardiac arrest? What (if anything) makes this an entertaining and enjoyable holiday to you? Are there any traditions you and yours hold to? Do you enjoy the Haunted Houses? Is a good scare in your repertoire of tricks?

Last weekend, Jackie and three of her four kids came and spent the weekend with me. It was wonderful. We had a great time. After having gone down to Mt. Pleasant to pick up child number four, we went to the Castle of Chaos. The youngest of her brood was rather uncertain. Sweaty palms and constant pleadings of "Mommy, can we sit in the car and wait?" were met with "You're a big boy now Zachy, if you don't want to go, we won't". Once arriving at the sullen, downtrodden cashier, we found we could purchase "Monster Be Gone" passes for the young or faint of heart. This pass assured those who weren't fond of monsters that they would be protected. It worked like a charm. A flashing red light on the necklace Zach wore caused the actors inside to cower in fear. This gave him not only a boost of pride, but some resolve as well. Two minutes into the castle, and he was flashing anything that moved. Nothing touched him and he bravely protected his Mother and I. He came out of there happy, giggling, smiling and forever known as "Super Zach".

That is just one example of what one can do to celebrate this Holiday. Another one is in the decorating. There are many houses my parents and I would go to each year to see what new items had been added. Not all of these people continue the tradition of decorating anymore. As a matter of fact, the houses from my youth are all but gone now. There are still people who go all out on Halloween though. Coffins, spider webs, scary sounds and lights adorn every inch of their homes. Some inside and out. Some to the extent their homes can be seen on Google Earth. There is nothing wrong with it. It just has to come down before you decorate for Christmas is all. Unlike Christmas lights, Halloween lights get a funny look from people when left up all year long.

So here we come to the part I want to know about. What is it you do to make this holiday special for your little ghosts and goblins? What traditons do you have in your family or from your childhood that you have passed onto your witches and warlocks? Please do share constant reader. I as always look forward to your input and your responses.

I apologize for the delay in my blogging...a gentle rest for you all I'm sure. But trust me, there is more to come.

As always, Brandon

Aloha!

I'm back. It has been a short two weeks that seemed to go forever. I have seen much and done more, but alas, I'm happy to be home.

We started our trip with a 7 day cruise through the Mexican Riviera. This is not my first cruise, nor is it my first time through the Riviera portion of Mexico. The weather was warm here when we left, it was hot and humid there when we arrived. The way I like it...minus the humid part. I was happy to find out there were people aboard this cruise closer to my age. My last cruise was a 14 day cruise through the Panama Canal, and the average age aboard that one was 79. Stop laughing...it wasn't funny then and it still isn't. Ok, maybe a little. Anyway, there were perhaps 150 people aboard this ship in my age range, and a lot of very beautiful women. The crew was fantastic, the drinks were strong, and the views were magnificent. I have posted many pics on my facebook page for you to look at. I however was not impressed by the ship itself. This was my first sail with Royal Carribean as my last two times were aboard Carnival Cruise Lines. The ship (never call one those hulks a "boat") was smaller than I expected, and the activities were limited. They had a rock wall, and it was only open certain times of the day...usually while I was ashore or at dinner. They did however have many trivia contests which I am proud to say my team "the Braintrust" took a gold medal and several other prizes in. By the third day aboard, other teams were trying to join ours. That is where I met Jackie.

Jackie was sailing with her 18 year old daughter Nikki. They were behind us at the first trivia game, and I was smitten at once. Now Nikki is a very vibrant, beautiful, girl full of life and energy. She could be found dancing with people she didn't know or rooting our team on (they joined us by day 4) or trash talking other teams on our behalf. Jackie is much like her daughter. Outgoing, intelligent and amazingly beautiful. I knew I had to know her. The second time I saw the two of them they were playing trivia as we were headed to Bingo. I asked them if they were "getting their trivia on", and I recieved a look from Jackie that could freeze ice. A challenge...YES! Game on! I befriended Nikki to get to her Mother. I'm not ashamed of this..I used someone else to meet another. And I'm glad I did. Jackie is truly amazing. Once I got past the wall, I met someone very much like me.

Now I mentioned her intelligence. It rivals mine and I consider myself to be a very smart person. She can talk politics, religion or anything at hand. Another facet I enjoy. Did I mention her beauty? She is very beautiful...and tall. Another good sign. She enjoys fine wine and fine dining. She is adventurous and giving, sweet and gentle. She keeps me in check. She is the yin to my yang. She surprised me by showing up to the airport in Long Beach to see me off on my way home. Oh yeah, she lives in California. The one hurdle in an otherwise perfect so far relationship. But a good hurdle, it will force us to take things slowly. She has four kids, her oldest being Nikki. her next youngest is in school in Utah. Michael goes to Wasatch Academy in Mt. Pleasant. This being a good thing as we will now get to spend time together when she visits him. I look forward to our first visit this next weekend.

Jackie and I spent a lot of time together on the ship, walking and talking till the wee hours. We asked each other everything we could, and told each other everything we should. She was wonderful to be around. It was a good and a bad thing to have finally met her. Good because I was suprised by the wholeness of it, the excitement, the thrill of the chase if you will. Bad because it made the time go so much faster and the days whizzed by. We parted with the agreement to meet again, and a longing for each other.

The week after was spent in Hawaii. We landed in Honolulu around 10 pm with some minor jet lag and a need to find a place to sleep. Upon arriving at the hotel, we recieved two surprises. First, there was only rooms booked for four of us...there were eight in our traveling party...almost our own Fellowship of the Ring. Secondly, we had reserved rooms on the 14th floor but recieved rooms on the second floor. The front desk staff was not very friendly or helpful. My sister in law requested extra pillows, and we got them...three hours later. The next morning it was rise and shine...time to explore.

Waikiki is the most beautiful place I have visited to date. The streets were clean and free of debris, and the women wore bikinis everywhere. Hey! I met someone but I wasn't dead. It was a culture shock but we were still in the United States. I loved it, until I saw the prices for simple staples. Milk was almost $7 a gallon. I drink a lot of milk, but not at those prices...I could drink gasoline for cheaper. Ironic huh? We went to the beach and I was amazed at the splendor of the waves crashing onto shore. Water as clear and blue as a blown glass dolphin. There are swap meets everywhere, and I wandered and gazed in excitement. The people will bargain, but not always nicely. I found a rare Elvis zippo that one lady was asking $79 for...I balked and said I could find it cheaper at home..she not so kindly asked me to "find it at home". For the most part, I loved every minute in Hawaii and cannot wait to return.

While visitng Hawaii, we went to the Polynesian Cultural Center, and Pearl Harbor. Toursit sites for sure, but ones that should be visited at least once. The PCC (Polynesian Cultural Center) was both fascinating and intriguing. We learned native dances, greetings and customs. We saw all the uses for a coconut...including dental floss, and learned how to start a fire with tree branches. A lot of the people working at the PCC are students at the nearby campus of BYU, and are working towards degrees by volunteering their time. The PCC is return helps pay for their tuition. The finale of the day is a ceremony with dancing, fire, singing and excitement. It was a long day (almost 12 hours) but fun.

We also visited Pearl Harbor as a group. I have visited battlegrounds before, but this one holds a sense of hallowed wonder. It's in the air when you arrive, and it stays with you as you leave. The one simple act of betrayal launched The United States into a war they had no desire to fight. There are only two battleships and one submarine still visible today. The other battleships involved were repaired and sent back into waters to protect and serve. The USS Missouri is the only wounded battleship from that day still above water. It now stands as a tourist site, and a reminder. The USS Arizona sits below water under a monument erected to its demise. Its amazing to stand above its rusted remains and peer into the water knowing that there are still over 500 people buried in its twisted hull. To this day, oil still bubbles from somewhere inside the ship, rising to the surface to be seen by all. There are pictures of this on my facebook page as well.

As I said earlier, I am glad to be home. I would love to take another extended vacation someday, but I'm not sure I would do it in such a large group. There were times of bitter resentment, times of stupidity, and times of frustration and anger. Typical family vacation for sure. This will not be my last cruise, and will surely not be my last visit to Hawaii. I look forward to seeing the other islands.

I have enjoyed regaling you all with my adventures, and will now take some time to read your blog pages. I have missed writing to you, but missed reading yours more. Feel free to look at the pictures taken and feel free to comment on anything you like. Until our next reading time...Aloha

HA HA HAAA...HEE HEE HEE

Yesterday on the radio they were talking about the new Entertainment Weekly magazine list of the 25 best comedies of the last 25 years. The top honors went to Ghostbusters. I'm as surprised as you are. Don't get me wrong, I thought Ghosbusters was funny, just not No. 1 funny. My tastes in movies run off color of those of many I'm sure, and that is part of what makes me unique. So in this blog, I thought I'd poll you, my constant readers, on what YOU thought should be named the No. 1 comedy of the last 25 years.

Now like I said, my tastes run different and often even afoul of most and many. To me, Monty Python desereved top billing over Ghostbusters. Among the list in the top ten were...There's Something About Mary (one of my favorites), The Big Lebowski, Nat'l Lampoon's Vacation, Office Space ( excuse me...you've got my stapler), South Park, and Beverly Hills Cop. All great comedies. All worth watching more than once if that is your taste in comedies.

I grew up on funny movies. As a youth in the ghetto of West Valley I was raised on movies like M.A.S.H., Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein (puttin on the Riiitzzz), and of course The Cannonball Run series. All wonderful movies with extremely wonderful comedians. Nowadays, anyone can make a movie and call it a comedy. I've seen some movies listed in the comedy section of Blockbuster that should have filed under crap. I have never found movies about drug use/abuse funny. Dazed and Confused was also on the top ten list...I never thought it to be rremotely funny. This is Spinal Tap..also on the top ten list...again, NOT funny. But that is only my critique. I'm not you, and you may have found them to be hilarious.

I am quite fond of quoting a funny line from a movie. It's amazing how easily some of the best lines in some of the best movies will fit into everyday normal conversation. If I am ever on a boat being attacked by a 30 foot Great White, I can't wait to say "You're gonna need a bigger boat". My boss at work is always testing me on my movie knowledge..asking me to "name the actor" or even "name the movie". Please!!! I managed a Blockbuster for several years, and I own over 2,000 movies. I'm a movie buff. An officionado. A geek of cinema. The one category I excel at in trivial pursuit? You guessed it...Movies. When I worked for Blockbuster, other store managers would call me when a customer came in asking for "That one movie with that girl who does that thing and then falls for that guy"...you know the one. I speak a form of cinemaese and can often answer their query and find them the movie they seek.

I've rambled and I apologize. I've named a few comedies and expressed my thoughts on them. What would I consider the best comedy of the last 25 years....that's a tough one. I don't think I could name a favorite...not just one anyway. I like to laugh. I like to make other people laugh. I am not against raunchy comedy to gain a laugh. It all boils down to what you like doesn't it? So here is your chance. Tell me what makes you laugh. What movie jumps out at you as the funniest? What movie do you think will make the list 25 years from now?

This will be my last post for a few weeks. I leave Sunday for a two week vacation in Mexico and Hawaii. I will miss reading your blogs as well as reading your comments to this one. Maybe I will use the "bigger boat" line on the Captain of the cruise ship....think he'll buy it?

Take care of yourselves and take care of each other. Laughter truly IS the best medicine and I don't ever doubt its potency. Remember...it takes 23 muscles to frown and only 2 to smile....or something like that. But if a frown is an upside down smile...great, now I'm confused.

Missing you all already....be back before you know it. Gracias and Mahalo Brandon

Rated "R"

For some reason on the way home tonight, I started thinking about violence and the impact it has on society as a whole. It's in movies, on TV, commercials include some, and music today has violence in it. Noone can be entirely shielded from it, it is virtually everywhere. I started to wonder if maybe as a society we had become desensitized to it. We see, hear and know about it daily, so it stands to reason this could be in fact true.

Voltaire was quoted as saying "Violence is the first refuge of the incompetent". Sounds like he knew his stuff. But where does it begin? Where does it end? Can we do anything to control it? Psychologists have studied this for years....long before Columbine or Oklahoma City. Decades before John Kennedy or Charles Manson. Some believe violence is inherant...to some extent I agree. If a child grows up knowing violence, his tendency towards it are far greater. But not always 100% mind you. Nothing is certain. A child growing up in a loving home surrounded by siblings who leads an ernest, honest life can turn bad. Look at Ted Bundy. He was an Eagle Scout. He was an honor student. He was a notorious serial killer.

Movies today promote violence for ticket sales. The almighty dollar has become a leading factor in what and how much violence to include in movies. I hate to burst your bubble folks, but Harry Potter and even your beloved Twilight deal on a violence premise. The more violent, the more gory, the more improbable a movie is, the higher the box office. Why do you think horror movies fare so well at the box office? They could release Halloween XVI in July and it would break 100 million.

I mentioned music as well. I could list 3,500 artists (no exageration) who have included violence in one form or another in their lyrics. Carrie Underwood sings of revenge by "Carving my name into his leather seats". Not all violence must include another person. Violence is defined as "Physical force exercised to damage, injure or destroy". Violence can be viewed as psychological, physical, mental, or even spiritual. The burning of a cross by Nazi supremists connotates spiritual persecution and the promise of physical violence.

Now what about simple TV commercials desigend to make us think or possibly laugh? The wife hitting her husband upside the head and stating "You couldda had a V-8". The drunk driving commercials aired by the numerous lawyers and ambulance chasers. Are these images we want todays youth to see and think are "just natural"? I personally am not offended by anything. I don't watch a lot of TV. I honestly could care less. Do I play violent video games? Absolutely. Would I allow a 7 or 8 year old to play the games I play? Not a freakin chance.

There has been and always will be talk of gun control. Nothing will ever come of it. We can write every congressman and we can storm every Capitol Hill, but guns will always be a part of this nation and it's survival. I don't own a gun, but my house is finely decorated in knives. I have dragon handle knives, bone handle knives, knives as long as my arm, some smaller than my pinky. There are knives only I know where to find. I honestly pity the poor dumb person who breaks into my house. You may own a gun, but you'll get one shot...than it's game on. This doesn't mean I condone violence, only protection of what's mine. Survival of the fittest if you will.

I think I have expressed myself as well as I am going to get. I truly would love to hear what your thoughts are on this subject. Again, and as always, there is no right or wrong. If you feel my opinion is biased, tell me, I only get angered at hidden agendas. I hope I have not upset anyone, and as always I honor and trust your feelings.

On a lighter note, for those of you who may not know yet, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince has been pushed back by the studios to next July 17th. Now THAT angers me. And also for those of you not aware, movie ratings are now defined by the amount of smoking involved in it. That's right, if more than 3 cigarettes are lit, it's an auotmatic "R" rating. Were I an actor, all my movies would be rated "R".

Peace, love and ticklish feelings.............Brandon

Do You ???

I haven't added any blogs of late...I guess I have been hiding, keeping to myself if you will. But as I was attempting to pay attention at work a few days back, I thought of another questionaire to add here. Nothing fancy or embarassing. Something that will help us all get to know each other a little better. Shall we begin ?

1. Do you lick the top of the yogurt lid? (either the pastic or the foil one)

2. Do you Discipline other people's children (family doesn't count here)

3. Do you drink out of the milk carton when noone is around or noone can see you?

4. Do you always eat what's on your plate, even if you do not like it?

5. Do you often wonder how different your life could be?

6. Do you offer advice freely or abstain and bite your tongue?

7. Do you corect the gramer/spelling mestakes of others?

8. Do you wonder about the futute of our country when looking at today's youth?

9. Do you find your life lacking in any way?

10. Do you possess a talent noone knows about or you are to shy to exhibit?


There you have it. Nothing bad, nothing too exploratory. And as I have in the past, I will answer my own questions. So here it goes.

1. Oh yeah! Free sample taste...nothing wrong with it

2. I wouldn't say I discipline them exactly...but I will correct them or tell them to "knock it off"
if they are to become annoying or bothersome.

3. Sure enough. I have since I was old enough to hold the milk carton. If they didn't want you
drinking out of it, they wouldn't have made it fit your mouth so well.

4. Nope...never...why would I eat something I know I don't like...enough with the brocolli already
Mom!

5. All the time. I wish I was filthy rich and well known the world round. I would be a paparazzi
dream come true. I have always wanted the celebrity lifestyle. The red carpets, the public
relationships in all the magazines. The embarassing pictures of standing on your driveway
naked reading the paper in front of a tour bus. Who wouldn't?

6. I have always been giving in the advice department. I feel if they didn't want it, they wouldn't
ask. I feel I give good advice, but I never take my own however.

7. Oh yeah...constantly. Whether it's in my head or physically on paper, I find I correct spelling
mistakes all the time. I can spot them easily and it's probably a form of OCD, but oh well.
How many mistakes did you spot in the question asking you this??

8. Are you kidding?? If todays' youth is the example of our country's future...we are screwed!
We are going to have a President in 20 years with his pants around his knees and a sideways
baseball cap and alot of "bling". Instead of addressing the nation's problems he will text them
to us. I find myself constantly disappointed in the youth of today. They are lazy, rude,
have no sense of urgency and I'm sorry to say, most are ignorant. It makes me wonder if we
were like that 20 years ago.

9. Sometimes I do. Of course there is the whole alone thing, but I don't really find myself lacking
in that area. I have many friends and they all RAWK! so no, I'm not lacking there. I would
love to travel the world, see new things, spend time on every continent. I'm still younger then
I will be tomorrow, so there is time.

10. I have many talents I don't show on a regular basis. Some are idiotic for sure, others are just
plain useless. I can unwrap a starburst or tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. I can
do other things that are just not worth sharing too. :)

So ok. There you have it. Now it's your turn of course. Reach down, take hold of those answers and let them fly from your fingers to the screen. I look forward to reading your answers. I thank you again for taking the time to read my drudgery. I will attempt one more post before my two week sabatical. Be good to small animals, be nice to large ones, and always smile at your kids....they will wonder what they did wrong.

Until next time..........Brandon

The Ex

I haven't posted in a while, and I don't know if I should apologize or be happy for you. I guess lately I have had alot on my mind. Back in December of last year I began dating a girl I found to be both interesting and absolutely beautiful. She works at one of my steel supply companies, and I had dealt with her daily on the phone for several months. She was at that time going through a nasty divorce to a man who had after 17 years of marriage decided that the 19 year old he met through a friend was more exciting than she was.

Anyway, we dated for several months and it had progressed to the point of her spending many nights a week at my place when she didn't have her kids. Now normally this type of behaviour (the nesting type) scares the hell out of me. As you all know by now, I have a commitment phobia. I have been hurt/screwed over/played far too often to be openly trusting. Stop going "awww"...it happens. I cannot honestly in good conscience say I haven't been the one playing the games at one or more points in my life, but she was different. The first time I saw her (knowing only her voice to this point) I was speechless. Tall, beautiful, crystal blue eyes, a smile that could stop traffic, and a body that wouldn't quit.

As it turned out, we had much in common, and we enjoyed each other's company. She spoke Spanish (limited, and not always "fluently"), she was a fantastic cook, she tried to play a mean game of pool, and she was very into 80's music. After the first date we realized that in high school we both frequented the same dance club every friday night ( The Ritz ). So in fact, we knew each other 20 years ago, and I clearly remember her hating me then. Anyway, we got along perfectly. Almost too perfectly...you know...when you get along so well you get the feeling something is wrong. That was us.

I never got to meet her boys (she had three of them), but I did get to meet her sister. We got along famously. I even introduced her sister to a single friend of mine. We spent every minute we could together. I even introduced her to my parents...I never do that...EVER!! A stupid mistake I won't soon make again. I bought her gifts for no reason, I let her beat me at chess, I drew her a picture she wanted ( again, something I never do). It seemed like it was "the one".

I am not what you would expect when it comes to relationships. Most if not all of my exes have been pleasantly surprised. I may be emotionally crippled, but in the romance department I could write a book. I would get to work at least an hour before she would each day, and I would call and leave a voice message on her phone everyday. It would be anything from the sappy sugary sweet to the off-the-wall goofy. Whenever she awoke at my place, there was always a hot cup of coffee with a note ( if you have read my blog posted "dear", you know what one of the notes actually read). When she got "home" after work, her favorite singer (Alicia Keys) was on the stereo and a drink was waiting for her. I treated her as she wished her husband would have when she was married. Her marriage was one of convenience, as she got pregnant early and felt it was the best/only way.

In March of this year, she sent me an email letting me know she had fallen for me. I apologized. She then went on to say that she thought she could never again trust a man to not hurt her. That she thought sex was all men wanted. She went as far as to say she loved me. Now after almost five months together, it seemd natural. However, those three words are poison. Whenever anyone has uttered those words...the crap usually hits the proverbial fan. In this case, it seemed to go over rather well. Now mind you, I did not return the sentiment right away. I'm emotionally crippled remember. Plus the fact I don't just throw those words around. It took a few weeks of hearing her say it and seeing her attempt to prove it before I gave in.

The last weekend in March, we had planned to go away together. Her husband had the boys for Easter, so she would be alone that weekend. She called me late that Friday night, two hours after I had expected her to tell me she wasn't feeling well. I said ok...get yourself better and we will talk tomorrow. The next morning I got a text message from her sister asking if "you two are having a good weekend together"? I text her back telling her we weren't together because her sister was sick. The response I got was not what I thought I would. She told me "Oh, well that's weird cuz she didn't come home last night".

Well as it turns out she had been dating someone who worked with for a few weeks up to this point, and rather than telling me she just stopped calling and returning my texts. The damndest thing is I still have to talk to her at least once a week when I order steel. She still acts like nothing happened. She asks me all the time how I am doing. She calls me "sweety" all the time after repeated requests that she didn't. Today she got re-married to the man she cheated on me with. I found out through someone she worked with when I called yesterday to order some stuff and was told she wasn't in.

I don't know why I shared this, and I certainly don't know what I expect to gain from posting it. I guess maybe I feel it therapeutic to address it so. Either way, I still get bummed every now and then when I think about what we had. I have been asked out since then, but have found convenient excuses to not go. It's not that I'm not ready, and it's not that I can't handle it, I am just not interested anymore. I know , I know, there are plenty more fish in the sea...don't worry about me. I haven't changed in the humor department, and I haven't given up entirely.

Thanks for allowing me to vent. Thank you for your diligence. I hope you enjoy the new editions to the blog page. My next blog won't be so maudlin I promise. Be good to one another and remember to be kind and rewind.

P.S. 27 years ago today, 8-16, Elvis Presley died at Bethesda Memorial Hospital in Memphis.