Are You (Pin)terested??

So recently on the advice/request of another, I joined Pinterest. I have yet to actually post anything or "pin" anything to my board, but I already have many followers. Thank you followers. Wow! followers. Who woulda thunk it? Am I that fascinating or are there that many bored people out there? Let's examine this.

A little about me.

I hate stupidity. If you have read my blogs in the past, this fact remains the same. No change. Adamant on this. I work part time for a local gas station. Something to do I suppose. In all aspects I enjoy it. I meet the dumbest people everyday. We are a tiny station, with the capacity of maybe 10 people at once. Yes, one of those. It never ceases to amaze me people who come in, walk four times around the center "island", approach the register and ask " Do you have an ATM machine"? I feel like responding with " In your four trips around, you passed the coffee machine, the soda machine, the door to Narnia, and the racks of cholesterol goodness, but did you once see an ATM machine"? Stating the obvious I'm afraid would either offend them or scare them away. Perhaps both. I inwardly roll my eyes and calmly respond " DO YOU SEE ONE? DOES IT LOOK LIKE WE COULD FIT ONE IN HERE? DID YOU ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE OPENING MOUTH?" Okay, not really, but wouldn't that be fun?

I am not married. I have never been married. If you have read past postings here, this is self explanatory.

I am still, and by all standards, the funniest person I know.

I love music. All kinds for the most part. Now Jr. High School bands struggling through the 1812 overture (and making some of us desire and pray for cannon fire) is NOT music to me, UNLESS..being taught by the extremely talented and lauded Laurie Stout Letz. When you're good enough to get your kids on the morning news, you have achieved success and fame. She is amazing and I have in my life met many students from Eisenhower Jr. High who gush, yes gush, when being asked if they in fact knew the acclaimed Mrs. Letz. Way to go Auntie Laurie. I come from a very musical family, but that gene passed me by but still left me with a deep appreciation. I am actually listening to Anne Hathaway's heart rending version of " I Dreamed a Dream" as I write this. A special nod to my old man Steve Stout for helping me attain my appreciation for music. From Listening to him play Tchaikovsky in the 23rd Army Guard band, to hearing him play Beethoven or Bach on the piano at home. I learned who Spyro Gyra, Blood, Sweat and Tears, Jim Croce, Toto, Chicago,  and of course, Elvis were by his taste in music.  A very talented man. 

I am so freakin funny, I make people eject things from their noses.

I can talk for hours and hours. Far too much I'm sure. 

I am smart. I am well read ( not just my blogs by you poor bored souls), but have read more than 30 books in my life. I know right?? Amazing. I mean after all, I know who is buried in Grant's tomb. 

I enjoy other peoples children. Mostly. Some I want to strangle. I like seeing the cute baby pictures. And it is true, not all babies are cute. Some make me want to shout " WHAT THE HELL IS THAT"? But not all, They are so tiny it fascinates me how they will someday grow up and ask if there is an ATM machine. 

I am so funny, people are always telling me " You're funny"

I enjoy writing, and more, enjoy the comments left behind. I hope you enjoy reading these.

I learn something everyday. I may not realize it until later. Oft times, much later. But my light bulb still lights on occasion. I love learning new things. It keeps me sharp, attuned to my surroundings, and funny. 

I love humor of all kinds. I enjoy movies that push the envelope. If you can make me laugh out loud, kudos. I have always been a fan of comedy, dating back to our family camping trips listening to Bill Cosby on cassette     tapes. I still know those word for word. I tip a nod to Eddie Murphy, Bill Cosby, Mel Brooks ( it worked in Blazing Saddles), and many others for filling my formative years with laughter. For taking me away from life for brief moments of time. Without them, I might have been an honor student, and far less disruptive than I was in school. 

Ok, so there it is. Me in a nutshell. Not in a nuthouse. If you smiled at any of this, my job is done. If you rolled your eyes, let me know, so I can pat myself on the back. 

Thank you once again constant readers. Without you, I'm only writing to myself. And that's just weird. 

Brandon

Being sick sucks!

Last October, I had the honor of an extended stay in the hospital. No, it wasn't for mental dementia, although I'm sure there are some out there who feel I need that stay as well. It was for Diverticulitis. What is Diverticulitis? Well, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt it is NOT something divers get from tickling otters. I am sure of this. Mostly. Definitely. It is in fact inflammation and swelling of the colon and surrounding areas resulting in a shut down of the inner workings. Sounds painful huh? It is. 

At first I thought ( because for those of you who may not know, I am medically trained ...cue the eye rolls), I had kidney stones. That's the area that hurt, and it seemed most likely. It got worse. Rest is not always best when averaging a fever of 102 and breaking out in skin rashes and hives. When you fall asleep in a bath tub, the water has turned cold ( I swear I saw an iceberg float by) and it is the best sleep you have had in days, it is time to seek professional help. 

So seek I did, with the help of my chauffeur Mom. After a trip to InstaCare, and being told " WOW, you're really sick, you should go to the E.R.", that's where we went. It turned out I had Diverticulitis. A disease if you will that strikes 4 million people each year. Last October however, I am beyond positive I got enough for at least half that number of people all at once. Definitely. Maybe. 

I was immediately ( after a 6 hour wait in the E.R.) whisked away to my own private room. At this time Capt. Morphine and I were buds. I haven't smiled that much since reading my own blogs ( like how I snuck that in there?) . I was promptly starved to within an inch of my life. In order to, as the doctor put it, "restart my system", I was given nothing but ice chips and broth for 4 days. People in Cuban jails eat better. The staff was great, and dutifully put up with my constant nagging/requests for streak and cheese sandwiches with the works from East Coast Subs. I even offered to buy ( it was the morphine talking). Alas, they continued with the torture that was bland broth and lukewarm ice chips. They even instructed me to get out and walk around, asking me to visit other floors knowing full well there were trays of sandwiches, cheetos, fruit, pasta in some sort of sauce ( when you're hungry, it doesn't matter), and other delectable treats and goodies. I told the nurses honestly if I had pockets in my hospital gown, I would be stealing food. She just laughed. People never take you seriously when you're sick. 

I was released 14 months ( it seemed that long o.k.?) later and told " Don't jump start your system by eating anything that is good for you, has taste, calories, actual substance, or isn't broth or lukewarm ice chips". O.k., not really, but I was told not to eat anything fatty, spicy, fried, or not bland. So my first description was spot on, thank you. I recovered for a few days at the parents house, as I was positive the papparrazzi was seeking me out for an interview. No, the morphine was not still talking. It was a relaxing time, and I was just happy to be out. After all, the last 6 days my excitement consisted of watching LifeFlight take off and land. My bed was right out on the tarmac you see. D'Oh! No, I was on the tenth floor of the Intermountain Medical Center and Torture Clinic in Murray. 

To those reading, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It was an expensive and painful reminder at how awesome food is. I have a new found love of it. I lost 10 lbs. in the torture clinic, but promptly gained it back once my system was restarted. I also came out with a new found respect for those who go without. If by some odd chance my writing ever makes me rich and famous, not likely, but if, I would love to help out in some way. It seems the right thing to do. 

To all those reading, thank you. To the nursing staff at IMC, you guys ROCK !!!. Nothing but good wishes and good health to you all.

P.S., I could not have made it through this ordeal without the wonderful support of friends and My dear Rose. Love you sweetie ! Her daily phone calls kept me goin.  Brandon

Hello (Again)

It has been some time since I sat down to the typed word and told you about Life, from my perspective, but Life nonetheless. Things aren't that much different for me. My hair is longer, the beard continues to gray, and I'm still reasonably happy, I actually just responded to a job posting on Craigslist of someone searching for a blogger for their upstarting business.

Yes, that has changed. After 12 years and several disappointments later, I no longer work for the "steel mill". I enjoyed the job, and some ( not all by any means) of the people were enjoyable as well. BUT..after 5 years and no raise, and after many times of being lied to about insulating the building against the sub zero conditions and other things, I felt it best to go my own way. I stayed long enough to finish the Granger High School remodel, and for that I am proud. I was part of something that will be the future of my niece and nephew.

So anyway, back to my opening topic. How cool would that be? Seeing me blog professionally, or somewhat professionally depending on the circumstances. I would absolutely love it. I have missed filling everyone in on the mundane goings on of my average ordinary life. Sigh. I know no one has missed checking in each week to see that nothing has changed with me, or to see what current 'bug is up my butt'. Excuse the mental image if you will. But yes, in all honesty, I have missed writing. Why did I stop? I don't rightly know. perhaps I thought I was in fact being a pest, or even worse...BORING! :O.

I know, I know, I could never be boring. I am far too funny for that right? Bless you all for thinking so. Your checks are in the mail. Maybe I should switch to paypal. Would make things easier.

I guess what made me start writing again was reading some emails I had written a few years back to a very special cowboy girl by the name of Annie Oatmeal, and it hit me...I miss writing. I miss being able to send my thoughts to you via the blog web. I miss telling you what I think. I miss making people laugh. So if you read this, thank you. If it made you smile, thank you again. If you think I have a chance at writing professionally, please tell me. It never hurts to have ones ego stroked :D

As always, thank you constant reader ( that is, by the way, a line I lifted from Stephen King). Your thoughts are appreciated, and always wonderful to read. May happiness find you sitting on your deck in a comfortable chair with your favorite drink/book in your hand. Both if it suits you.


Brandon

Things I Have Learned ( part Deux)

Quite some time ago, I wrote a blog on things I have learned. I think now is a good time to follow up with another list. So here we go !

- Books are the ambrosia of Life.
-Freedom is worth the responsibility.
-No one is an expert on you, except YOU !
-Without friends, Life would be boring.
-You should always leave loved ones with kind words. It could be the last time you
see them.
-You CAN keep going long after you think you can't.
-Never mix a common mistake with a rare blood type.
-Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
-Children are the best mirrors.
-Money is a lousy way of keeping score.
-Quiet reflection feeds the soul.
-Everyone has the same amount of Faith, they just invest it differently.
-It's not worth the calories unless it's chocolate !
-Heroes are those that do what must be done when it needs to be done, regardless
of the consequences.
-New adventures help you feel young.
-Peace is a choice.
-No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
-The truth that brings a tear is better than a lie that brings a smile.
-Tight shoes don't make your feet look smaller.
-Dogs understand love better than people do.
-Never be too eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever.
-Open minds are healthy minds.

Yep. That's about it. I'm sure there is more I have learned, but I am getting older and the first thing to go is your...I just had it. I know what it is.. Oh well.

Enjoy your own lifes lessons and learn daily. Knowledge is never ending, and it's a great conversation starter. Hey, remember Cliffy from CHEERS !?

Be good to yourselves and remember, EVERYONE likes ice cream.

As Always,
Brandon

Publicity !

Ok, so recently I posted a comment on my Facebook page that drew some ire and inadvertently caused some controversy. When I saw that Amy Winehouse was found dead at 27, I said " This is what happens when you say ' NO NO NO ' to rehab". It's a free country right? I was criticized and tongue lashed for my " non-understanding of addiction and its pitfalls". PFFFTTTT!!!!!!! It had nothing to do with that. I later admitted her death was in fact a tragedy, it was her LIFE that was a joke.

In my honest, humble ( sometimes) and no punches pulled opinion, IM SICK OF SEEING STORIES ABOUT SOCIALITES !. If you go to rehab, good for you. Stick with it. Do the program until you're once again well enough to be a productive member of society. If you go to rehab, that's great. If you go four times, something is wrong. They don't just let anyone work at those places. The training is intensive for a reason. THEY KNOW WHAT THEYRE DOING !!!!

My latest complaint is Kim " I even faked it on my porn tape" Kardashian. Who is she? What does she do? She can't act. She is news worthy why? Because her Mom married Bruce Jenner? Ok, he was famous 40 years ago. But now? And why is her wedding plastered all over every news blog, or info page on the net? So she spent millions. Why? She decided on her Groomsmen. Whoope Di Doooo. I mean who honestly cares? If she is dumb enough to make a sex tape and let it be " stolen" and then released on the internet, she is as dumb as I think she is. If she isn't happy spending a decent amount on a wedding but has to go in the millions, I am not impressed. Why should I be?

Now don't get me wrong, I like money. I wish I had more of it. But I left a relationship because of it. For those of you that read my blogs, you know the story. If you are new to this ( I can't actually believe people still read let alone I might have new fans), a quick summary. I once dated a girl who made a considerable amount of dough. She tried to use that to change me. Homey didn't play that game. So that being said, what difference is a million dollar wedding compared to a simple, elegant, romantic one? Other than the cost. Who really needs doves being released from the trunk of a submarine off the coast of Bora Bora while dolphins do back flips over trained sea monkeys?? I mean hey, that would be cool, but you seen it once...well, you get the idea.

Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, and all the other socialites out there who have the urge to see your name on the news daily, I have but this to say to you. GET A FREAKIN LIFE !! You have the money, go buy a clue. Diana Agron of Glee fame ( she plays Quinn) said it best last week in an article. She simply said " My life is my own business, and what I do with it should not matter to anyone else". Good for her, I applaud her. I like people who have the 'celebrity status', who know they do, and don't feel they need to cash in on it.

Someday I hope to write a book. I hope to be famous for it and makes enough money to buy the above said back flipping dolphins, but I will always be me. Humble, extremely funny, entertaining, and did I mention humble? I won't be releasing any 'stolen' tapes, and my mugshot won't appear weekly on the local celeb rags.

As always, thank you for allowing me to vent. If you're reading this, you are among the few. My personal thanks to you. And i want all to know that yes, I realize addiction is not a laughing matter, I never meant to make it seem like it was.

In ending I would like to leave you with an appropriate quote.

"It is hard for kids these days to learn good manners without seeing any"

Maybe these celebs should stop and think about who pays them.

As Always, Brandon

What Would You Do?

Recently, a verdict was handed down in the Casey Anthony trial, and to be honest, it didn't go over very well. When even her own defense attorney was surprised, you know something is wrong. Now admittedly, I don't know all the details surrounding the case, but from what I have read, and from the info gathered, she was by all rights guilty as hell. Of course, certain circumstances could not be proved, thus allowing her to walk free. It made me think of another case closer to home that truly turns my stomach. It is the case surrounding 4 year old Ethan Stacy.

Just over a year ago, this defenseless, helpless child was brutally tortured, beaten and eventually murdered by his own stepfather. The Mother was not innocent either, she was more or less a willing participant. Knowing what was happening and doing nothing makes her just as guilty by association. The court trial has officially started and my question for you this time is " What would you do"?

If your name was chosen as a juror, how would you react? What thoughts would be going through your head? If you're a parent, how would you respond? Would you be able to sit on that jury, hearing the testimony and be able to serve justice fairly? Would your passion and emotions rule your thought?

Now myself, in all honesty, could not rule as partial. I have read the affidavits and I know exactly what was done to that poor child. My anger, passion and fury would be far too much to overcome and allow my mind to work clearly. I don't have children, but I also don't see any need whatsoever to put a child through that. Annoying, sure, they all can be sometimes. Even the most patient parent is tested. That's what makes you a good parent in the long run. It was a senseless act of violence afflicted on an innocent soul.

Now for those of you willing to put yourselves through it, at the end of this blog I will post some links to the actual probable cause affidavits. I will now however warn you, they are graphic and should only be read if you feel you can emotionally and mentally handle such things. I don't post them to upset or hurt anyone, it is after all public record. I post them so that people will know the kind of monsters that are out there. These are the people our parents warned us about.

What chills me is the absolute indifference that both the Mother, and the stepfather had towards the death of this little boy. Like it was nothing more than a nuisance for them to have to answer questions. Like caring for him and seeing he was raised healthy and happy was an option not fitting their schedules. I honestly hope life in prison for both of them fits their schedules. I hope everyday they are haunted by their decisions. I pray they never find peace.

As I said, I could not serve justly on that jury, and my heart goes out to those that are currently doing so. May the Good Spirits rest and bless the soul of young Ethan Stacy and hold him forever in their sweet embrace. Love your children, hug them and tell them daily what they bring to your life. Let them know why you love them. Let them love you without remorse. My wish to all of you.

Thanks again for reading, peace be kind to you all, and mercy be your guiding hand.

http://www.heraldextra.com/pdf_81e27cde-5ee7-11df-9a0a-001cc4c002e0.html

http://www.heraldextra.com/pdf_caaa67c4-5f0f-11df-b3ae-001cc4c002e0.html
( to view these affidavits, click on the smaller Pdf version to enlarge)

http://ethan-stacy.memory-of.com/About.aspx

That last link is a little good in all the bad. Please visit it and share your thoughts.

As Always,
Brandon

Ordinary

I recently asked two women to describe me. Each responded with "I'm thinking". It made me laugh really. I never once thought myself to be an ordinary, un extraordinary average man. I dont hold any thoughts of being super human or incredible in any way. I guess I only thought I was more forgetful than that. I dont harbor thoughts of myself being anything than what I am.

Of course, after some thought, a person gets the answer they expect. Intriguing, Intelligent, Sexy, Thoughtful, Charming, Funny, Handsome. BLAH ! If asked, I could respond with much better adjectives than that. And I dont need " time to think". When I get to know someone, I dont fool around.

I guess in a way, this bothers me. I dont see any of those qualities in me, and I have never thought myself to be above average. Ok, the funny part maybe. Since high school I have denied myself the thoughts of being handsome or charming. I have never agreed with being intelligent just for the fact I pissed away my grades in school and never made anything of myself. Thoughtful? That can describe anyone who takes a few seconds to put in words what their overcooked brain dares to think. Sexy...please!

When I sit and reflect on my life, I see two things, or facets if you will. What I am now, and what I could have become. What I am now is simple. I am a misogynistic, closed off recluse. I am lazy and prone to bouts of anger. HA ! they say the truth will set you free. Whatevah !!!

What could I have become? Not anything I wanted to, that's for damn sure. I am not political, religious, or active in any society. I cannot see myself in a position of power or responsibility. I am more apt to sit back and watch society crumble than step up and want to fix it. I didn't make their mistakes, I don't feel it's my job to dig them out of it. Callous? Probably. Cynical? Most assuredly.

What I am now represents me honestly. I don't lie to women to get them in bed. I don't tell them what I think they want to hear, and I don't fill their heads with thoughts or images of sugarplums or fantasy. The truth that brings a tear far outweighs a lie that brings a smile. I am who I am, and I apologize to no one.

Of course there is so much out there that I wholeheartedly disagree with, yet I remain silent. To those I see no good and no change coming from me speaking up. I don't offer unsolicited advice for this very reason. If you want my opinion, ask me for it, but don't ever presume I will offer it of no accord.


Now back to me. After all I have said, i don't see myself as ordinary. I know there is good in me, I have seen it escape once or twice. I know I am capable of anything I put my heart mind or soul ( what is left of it) to, but I prefer to sit back and watch as an outsider first. I am vain, self loathing and funny. A great combination in the right world. I am single and see myself forever being so. I feel I am above ordinary, even if by a small step. Nothing wrong with that.

Again, i am uncertain why I wrote this. It is entirely possible I needed to get this off my chest so to speak in order to move onto the next adventure. And to answer your unasked question, what would I be if I could be anything? A professional hitman. I feel I would be perfect. My soul is dark, my mind at ease. There is nothing here keeping me from wandering the world. And I like lots of money :)

Peace be with you all, and happiness be your daily mantra. This was not written to scare you, and there is no need to look for me in the shadows. There is still a 7 day wait for a gun.

Until next time, keep your chins up, and you cell phones away when driving.

Brandon